It’s January. Listen, I was just in Home Bargains where all the wee candy canes and hot chocolate were—BOOM—f***ing protein powders, greens drinks, yoga mats, and more. I mean, FFS, give us five minutes! You’ve just been eating chocolate Santas for breakfast, and now this?!

Plus, you put your work gear back on, and wow, did that ever fit? Your iPhone doesn’t even recognise your face! You’re ripping— I mean ripping mad, not ripping clothes (although maybe that too). But listen, it means we want to immediately change—evacuate! I get it, I’ve been there loads of times. Eeeehhh, hello, I did the cream bun diet, FFS.

Health scammers love this—it’s easy pickings. They promise you exactly what you want, they know your pain points, charge you a shit-ton of money, and sell you the latest quick fix—a jag, a pill, whatever. The timeline is fast, and the hard work seems minimal. But it’s BS, mate, sorry. There ain’t no way to dodge this.

I’m like some sort of fairy fat loss guru or a reflection in your mirror giving you a life lesson: no shortcuts! No cutting corners—just the work! Stop being conned. You’re meant to try and enjoy the process, celebrate what you can get your body and mind to do, and stop hating on yourself.

So listen, if you need any real help, I’m always here. Take it easy.

KP